The Magic Cone Saves Pissy Women Everywhere

Now you can say it loud and say it proud…”I.P. FREELY WITH THE MAGIC CONE!”

Yeah I said it. I don’t understand why I can’t get a job coming up withinventions like this, but someone out there does.

“Now you can pee all you can pee without copping a squat. Just take the flat cardboard cone and press down until it pops open, then press it over your poon and you’ll be able to pee standing up. Perfect for camping, festivals, bus and plane bathrooms. One pack contains 3 biodegradable cones.”

NOW AVAILABLE FOR $5.95 at the Bust Boobtique

Tags: bust boobtique, cone, inventions, magic cone, pee, pee freely

Why Women Are Crabby

• We started to ‘bud’ in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.
• Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner) Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankiness, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn’t even know we had.
• Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn’t end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
• Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn’t spend the entire day leaning over Brother John Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary’s Baby.
• Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee’d our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
• Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, ‘Please stop screaming, Mrs. “Hearmeroar” . Calm down and push. ‘Just one more good push’ (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole..
• After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that ‘cute’ wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
• Then come their ‘Teen Years.’ Need I say more?
• When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40’s – while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
• So we progress into the grand finale: ‘The Menopause,’ the Grandmother of all womanhood. It’s either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned ‘buds’ or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life’s cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks..

So, while I love being a woman, ‘Womanhood’ would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the ‘weaker sex?’ Yeah right. Bite me.

Married Man

A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys.

When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.  After a few of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him  an offer.  ”How would you like it if you didn’t see me for a couple of days?”

The husband couldn’t believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, ”That would suit me just fine!!”  Monday went by, and the man didn’t see his wife.  Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he  still didn’t see her.  Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Tags: Funny, jokes, Married Man

Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that
he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the wife’s attention So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in….

P
E
N
I
S

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

Man Throws Shoes At Bush

No it’s not a new video game for the Wii.

At a press conference in Baghdad with Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, President Bush had to play duck when an Iraqi journalist showed Bush how he felt about his policies by throwing both of his shoes at his head.

“This is a farewell kiss!” the man yelled in Arabic before throwing the shoes. This is most likely Bush’s final visit as president to Iraq and what a goodbye present did he get!

Tags: Baghdad, George W. Bush, Iraq, politics, press conferance, videos

Barack Obama Is An Economic Stimulus All His Own

T-shirts, mugs, posters, stationary, dog shirts, and even baby bibs…these are just some of the memorabilia for sale that has president elect Barack Obama’s image on them.

It is reported by the Washington Post that Barack Obama merchandise is alive and kicking in an economy that is supposedly going down the drain and in the dumps. In most cases, the business of presidential candidate merchandise completely dies down after the election is over. Not for Obama, and it shouldn’t be surprising after all this man is walking history! And if you are living under a rock, it’s because he will be the first African-American president.

Obama is a “living, breathing stimulus package for a modest-size group of entrepreneurs who are slapping Obama’s image on any surface it’ll stick to.” David Segal of the Washington Post writes.

CafePress.com, is a very popular website where anyone with access to the internet, can start their own online store just by uploading an image and that image can be reproduced on blank t-shirts, mugs, posters, etc. Statistically, on CafePress.com, there are approximately 96.000 different styles of Obama merchandise for sale.

Before Obama, the most popular selling presidential merchandise was “Anti-Bush” memorabilia.

Here’s a few things that you can “Obama-fy” yourself with:

Sneakers from SneakerObsession.com

Action Figurine from HBCU Kidz

And the Obama souvenir to end all Obama souvenirs:

Obama Flip-Flops?

Should we be worried that we are praising a president so much that hasn’t done anything in office yet, or be glad that just him being alive is stimulating the economy?

Tags: barack obama, exonomy, memorabilia, politics, president, president elect, presidential election, souvinears, stimulus

Funny Christmas Shirts

There are a ton of funny t shirts out there. They always look good in a photo opp, celebrities wear them to make a statement when paparazzi follow them for a photo, it tells the world what you have to say, without ever really saying it…

With the Holiday season coming up, here are a few humerous Holiday shirts to brighten up the yultide season:

Palin Pumpkin

My Dad would love this Palin Pumpkin, seeing that he is deeply Republican. Me? I vote on whoever can make the best Barack O’Lantern, or Leg-Obama. When I see works of art in their finest, it moves me to vote!

I think the one thing that would make this Palin Pumpkin complete would be to stick a voicebox in there and have it replay all of Tina Fey’s “Saturday Night Live” comedy skits. Or better yet, just use Sarah Palin’s speeches, they will end up sounding the same anyways…

Bird Poops In Reporters Mouth

“I should have seen that one coming…”

NO REALLY?

Brings new meaning to the words “bird infestation”

It’s A Smiley Saturday!

Tags: birds, poop, reporter, videos

Hump Day Humor

Theme: Gasoline

Gas prices have gone down a bit recently, maybe we should buy moving pods and stock up on cheap gas before the prices go up again.

Participate In The Hump Day Humor Meme

A meme (pronounced /miːm/) consists of any idea or behavior that can pass from one person to another by learning or imitation. Examples include thoughts, ideas, theories, gestures, practices, fashions, habits, songs, and dances. Memes propagate themselves and can move through the cultural sociosphere in a manner similar to the contagious behavior of a virus.

Tags: comics, gas costs, gas prices, Meme, memes

John McCain Spending $5,583.43 for an “American Idol” Makeup Artist

Here’s a change even Obama might believe in…

McCain recently spent over $5,000 for “American Idol” and “So You Think You Can Dance” makeup artist, Tifanie White to do his makeup.

I’m sure it probably wasn’t just for her makeup ability but hey nothings too good for a possible future president of the United States that is going to protect our financial stabilities.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d do that prehistoric dinosaur’s makeup for over $5,000 grand. But what I want to know is, what in the hell kind of makeup would you put on the man? I know most women who in their lifetime probably don’t even spend that much on makeup.

Yes, I know he’d understand if I skipped out on my mortgage payment to get me a $5,000 makeup job done to run for president of my book club.

Tags: american idol, barack obama, election 2008, John McCain, makeup, makeup artist, So You Think You Can Dance

Making Light of a Troubled Economy

So banks are going down the tubes left and right these days because they are being bought out the government? Well, we are all in trouble if that’s the case! All the media reporting can get scary to listen to, not knowing if our economy is going to get worse or not, but this news story might lift your spirits:

Be sure to keep an eye out for the guys behind the reporter.

It’s a Smiley Saturday!

Tags: economy, Funny, News, video

Sniffing The $4.00 A Gallon Gas Fumes

The latest excuse for gas prices going up is because of Hurricane Ike. According to The Desert Sun, the hurricane “caused a near total shutdown in crude production in the Gulf of Mexico, triggering gasoline shortages and dramatically higher prices at the pump in parts of the South and Midwest.”

The presidential candidates, McCain and Obama can say all they are going to do to drop gas prices, but let’s face it, we were told a while ago that there was going to be “no more taxes” so I’m sure we are not smart enough to fall for the same trick twice over. They can all eat my giant taco!

These supposed hard economic times calls for people to budget themselves. I’ve read how a lot of people are seeking help by joining credit counseling agencies to colsolidate debt.

There’s a million and one ways to do that; debt management, debt settlement, credit counseling, debt consolidation loans and mortgage refinancing. Depending on your credit score, it might determine which avenue you go down. If your broke as hell like me, consolidation loans are out of the question. I think the computer laughed at me when I tried to apply for a debt consolidation loan.

Saving money is so important now, I think, more than ever. Mainly because whomever becomes president, who knows that they are going to do? With a new President coming into the office and the economy going down the toilet all at the same time do you think it’s just the perfect recipe for disaster?

Or maybe it’s just me sniffing the $4.00 a gallon gas fumes!

Tags: barack obama, comic, credit, credit counseling, debt, debt consolidation loans, debt management, debt settlement, finances, gas prices, John McCain, mortgage refinancing

Leg-O-bama

Even if you do not plan on voting for Barack Obama in the 2008 Presidential Election, this is pretty freakin’ awesome:

It’s Leg-O-bama!

I want to see what a Lego-McCain would look like…I wonder how many ghost white pieces would be needed to make a replication of his face?

Scary thought.

This guy might have a successful business in the works. Hell, I’d pay for a Lego replication of my dog!

Tags: 2008 Elections, barack obama, election 2008, John McCain, Leg-O-bama, Lego