Nachos, Tacos and Burritos...

A foreigner walks into a bar he's carrying a bag of cow manure, a shotgun, and a dead cat. He sits down at the bar an orders a drink, drinks the drink, loads the shotgun, shoots the bag, and takes a bite of the dead cat. He does this about 4 or 5 more times until the bartender finnally asks, "Wat the hell are you doing?" the foreigner says "I want to be like you Americans, I want to shoot the sh*t and eat pussy!"

What The Jorge? Rss

American Idol Elimination Recap

Posted by Jorge | Posted in Entertainment, General, Reviews | Posted on 21-02-2008

If you have TiVo’d American Idol and not watched it yet you might not want to read this post just yet. It’s a spoiler on who got eliminated. 

Ah, I love elimination night on American Idol. They always open the show with a cheesy group performance where almost everyone is wearing stupid costumes and dancing around like Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses’

I wanted to attack Garrett with a weedwacker! I voted him as worst performance a few days ago for the guys night, and of course my intuitions were right. Goodbye Hair Boy, and on your way home, shave that upper lip of yours because it looks like crayon stains. Too bad he finally started singing good on his “goodbye” performance. Bad timing bud!

I got it right with my worst vote for the girls performance night as Amy Davis was the first pick to be eliminated. I should of kept those forks in my ears from last night so I didn’t have to endure that performance one last time.

After Amy Davis was elimated, it was between the rockin’ nurse Amanda Overmyer and plus size model Joeanne Borgella, in which Joeanne was elimiated which I thought one-tone Amanda should of been in that position. Then Danny Noriega’s boyfriend Colten Berry went home while the girls cried on the sidelines as if they were witnessing a funeral and Danny pouted his bottom lip contemplating on what other guy in the group he should start crushing on next now that Colton is gone. Chickezie-ezie-bow-wow should of been going home. I will look at this on the bright side though, as now I have more time to learn Chicke-doodle’s name.

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American Idol One Liner Reviews: Top 12 Girls Night

Posted by Jorge | Posted in Entertainment, General, Reviews | Posted on 20-02-2008

For profiles of each singer go here.

Kristy Lee Cook – She’s a very cute girl. She even sold her poor horse to afford to go to auditions. She’s a very good singer and the song choice was good. I thought she could of sang it with a little bit more “Umph!” and moved around on the stage a bit more, but she was supposedly sick so I will cut her a little bit of slack. She’s not getting her horse back anytime soon though.

Joeanne Borgella – Very beautiful girl, very OK voice. I’m a little torn as to if the song was good enough for her or not, but it was just OK! Not much to say about that.

Alaina Whitaker – What an airhead! She’s just another cute blonde that can sing real well. The song choice and performance was good. Like the first girl, she needs to do a little bit more movement and performing while on stage and she will be a huge package.

Amanda Overmyer – The rockin’ nurse is rockin with style! I can’t see myself liking her too much though. After a few performances her voice will sound bland, boring, straight and one-toned, I need some time to decide if I like her or not.

Amy Davis – I don’t know what to say about her performance except that she destroyed the poor song. I stuffed forks in my ears 6 seconds into the song.

Brooke White – I loved this girl in auditions, but that same girl didn’t come to tonight’s performance. I wished she would have done a song with more vocal power to display her true abilities. She will be forgettable after tonight.

Alexandria Lushington – Eh…..the judges loved it, I thought it completely sucked. She did finally do what I was looking for all night and she finally moved around the stage and performed. She made Paula say “Dope!” WAHAHAHAHA! Excuse me while I blow milk chunks out of my nose.

Kady Malloy – I love, love, love this girl. She sang a familiar, popular song and belted it. And since she can do singing impersonations of Britney Spears I say we set her up with Britney’s producers and have her record for Britney since I am tired of waiting for an official Britney comeback. She does a better Britney Spears impersonation than Britney does.

Asia’h Eperson – I still can’t get over the fact that this poor girls father died and she’s still up on stage doing her thing. She’s fun! She can sing and perform at the same time which seems to be a curse on all the other girls.
Ramiele Malubay –The other girls before her with the exception of Asia’h don’t have anything on her! It kind of helps that she looks very exotic which is something we havn’t seen on American Idol in a while.

Syesha Mercado – She’s the entire package. Finally someone that grew a set and sang her lung’s out. Now that wasn’t too much to ask was it?

Carly Smithson – The song was boring. She could of picked a song that was so much better than her voice. She is an amazing singer! She was a professional singer when she was younger so she will have a one up on most of the other contestants.

Unfortunately I didn’t have too many bad things to say about the girls versus the guys from last night whom some put me to sleep with nightmares. I guess it’s just proof as to how low men are on the food chain.

Miss Kady Malloy must want people to vote for Asia’h Eperson because when it was time to give out her phone numbers to call and vote for her, she should have been holding up 8 fingers, not 9. Duuuuuuuuuh!

Paula Abdul once again was spreading her over-niceness around. She would make a better therapist than an AI judge. The day she gets to the point and just says “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it” I will crap in my pants.

I miss Josiah!

Jorge’s Picks for the Night

• Contestant I Would Vote For: Syesha Mercado
• Sexiest Performance: Kady Malloy
• Most Enjoyable Performance: Asia’h Eperson
• Worst Performance: Amy Davis

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American Idol One Liner Reviews: Top 12 Guys Night

Posted by Jorge | Posted in General, Reviews, TV | Posted on 19-02-2008

For profiles of each singer go here

David Hernandez - He is an OK singer, nothing unique or exciting that jumped out at me, By the time this show is over, I will forget the performance. I guess it’s just the curse of the first performer.

Chickezie - I forgot what the hell this guy sang after he sang it, it wasn’t a very memorable performance. I think the only reason I remember him in the slightest bit is because I spent his entire performance trying to pronounce and figure out what his name is.

David Cook - This guy is great! I have a feeling he is going to be the Chris Daughtry (Season 5 AI) of this season.

David Yeager - He could get a singing career with The Wiggles if American Idol dosn’t work out for him, the guy’s got a good voice but he just looks a little TOO happy to be singing, like those cashier’s at a retail store that force themselves to smile at you but they don’t really want too.

Robbie Carrico- Simon was questioning his authenticity about singing rock music. This guy claims he is all Rock and Roll, but he was in a boy & girl band that toured with Britney Spears, the man (I should say boy back then) even dated Britney Spears! He is a Fake, with a capital F and his singing past is going to catch up with him.

David Archuleta - Is this guy a singer or a puppy? What a nerd-bomber! Durn good singer either way.

Danny Noriega - Like, OMG! Paula hit it the nail right on the head when she said “There will be a lot of color’s coming out of Danny…” He’s going to be the Miss Attitude of the competition, it was alright I think he would be more suited for TV talk shows instead of singing.

Luke Menard - He looks like Orlando Bloom with a hat on. I fell asleep during this one so I’m not sure what I thought about it?

Colton Berry - This guy sings the Teletubbies theme song in his head when he’s nervous. Double Nerd-bomber! Him and Danny Noriega should hook up. Besides that fact, he’s got great hair, great energy and a good voice, it is kind of reminicant to Clay Aiken (Season 2 AI).

Gerrett Haley - He’s so pretty! He seems a little off his rocker, but he is a pretty good singer. He dosn’t seem like he would be memorable enough though.

James Castro - OMG! It’s Bob Marley’s long lost illigitimate child! Thank goodness producer’s there let these kids sing with instruments though, this might not necesarily be a good thing beucase people could fall like hot pancakes, but he pulled it off pretty good. I liked it.

Michael Johns - He dosn’t even have to sing, he can just talk and the ladies will swoon. The singing is just as amazing. I definitly hope he sticks around and does great things on the show.

Am I the only one that thinks Paula is talking a lot more this season? Someone needs to stuff a beer in her mouth and tell her to quit talking to much!

Jorge’s Picks for the Night

  • Contestant I Would Vote For: David Cook

  • Sexiest Performance: Michael Johns

  • Funnest Performance: Danny Noriega

  • Worst Performance: Gerrett Haley

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