What The Jorge?A Little Entertainment Junk For Your Trunk

Sorry for the lack of review for the girls night of AI. I herd it sucked balls, so maybe I just saved myself from cutting my fingers off and and stuffing them down my ears. But I shall cheer up because it’s my favorite time of the week, time to weed out some of the awfulness that is American Idol.

At this point as long as David Archuleta is still in it, I don’t care about anyone else.

Did I mention how much I love group performances? I feel like I’m watching a reality TV version of “The Backyardigans”

Did anyone else think that look on Danny’s face was priceless when he thought he was going home? He looked like he was in the semifinals of Miss America.

Jason Yeager was the first guy to go home. I still feel bad for him after the lashing Simon gave him, but he honestly could have been better (and stopped the cheesy smiling.) I am granted a little disappointed he’s gone now because he was one of my eye candies.

Alexandria Lushington was the first of the girls to go home. I was hoping Mrs. Munster was going to be the victim. After seeing a recap of Alexandria’s performance last night which I inadvertently missed I feel it was probably well-deserved. I felt bad for David Archuleta crying in the background though. I just wanted to squeeze his cute little self. If it was anyone else crying I would have been like “Listen here stoop! That’s one less competition for you. Quit crying! Suck it up!”

Then it was down to Kady Malloy and Alaina Whitaker, Alaina got picked to go home and Ramiele and Danny cried…AGAIN, someone needs to surgically remove their tear ducts or I am going to loose mine laughing at them. I didn’t remember Alaina much out of the competition, but of course Paula always tells everyone “This is just a start of a great career for you” which is a crock of horse poop.

Then it was down to Robbie Carrico and Luke Menard, thank God we finally sent “Robbie the Faker” home. I’m a little disappointed now because I will never know if he really was wearing a wig. But now he can go shave off that rock faced and be my new Justin Timberlake fantasy. More crying commenced. If these people are going to miss each other that much, maybe they should all just sleep with each other.

Well, I will have to admit, I will miss picking on Robbie, so I will have to find a new target for next week. Back to the refugee boat for much long needed pondering.

If you have TiVo’d American Idol and not watched it yet you might not want to read this post just yet. It’s a spoiler on who got eliminated. 

Ah, I love elimination night on American Idol. They always open the show with a cheesy group performance where almost everyone is wearing stupid costumes and dancing around like Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses’

I wanted to attack Garrett with a weedwacker! I voted him as worst performance a few days ago for the guys night, and of course my intuitions were right. Goodbye Hair Boy, and on your way home, shave that upper lip of yours because it looks like crayon stains. Too bad he finally started singing good on his “goodbye” performance. Bad timing bud!

I got it right with my worst vote for the girls performance night as Amy Davis was the first pick to be eliminated. I should of kept those forks in my ears from last night so I didn’t have to endure that performance one last time.

After Amy Davis was elimated, it was between the rockin’ nurse Amanda Overmyer and plus size model Joeanne Borgella, in which Joeanne was elimiated which I thought one-tone Amanda should of been in that position. Then Danny Noriega’s boyfriend Colten Berry went home while the girls cried on the sidelines as if they were witnessing a funeral and Danny pouted his bottom lip contemplating on what other guy in the group he should start crushing on next now that Colton is gone. Chickezie-ezie-bow-wow should of been going home. I will look at this on the bright side though, as now I have more time to learn Chicke-doodle’s name.

For profiles of each singer go here.

Kristy Lee Cook – She’s a very cute girl. She even sold her poor horse to afford to go to auditions. She’s a very good singer and the song choice was good. I thought she could of sang it with a little bit more “Umph!” and moved around on the stage a bit more, but she was supposedly sick so I will cut her a little bit of slack. She’s not getting her horse back anytime soon though.

Joeanne Borgella – Very beautiful girl, very OK voice. I’m a little torn as to if the song was good enough for her or not, but it was just OK! Not much to say about that.

Alaina Whitaker – What an airhead! She’s just another cute blonde that can sing real well. The song choice and performance was good. Like the first girl, she needs to do a little bit more movement and performing while on stage and she will be a huge package.

Amanda Overmyer – The rockin’ nurse is rockin with style! I can’t see myself liking her too much though. After a few performances her voice will sound bland, boring, straight and one-toned, I need some time to decide if I like her or not.

Amy Davis – I don’t know what to say about her performance except that she destroyed the poor song. I stuffed forks in my ears 6 seconds into the song.

Brooke White – I loved this girl in auditions, but that same girl didn’t come to tonight’s performance. I wished she would have done a song with more vocal power to display her true abilities. She will be forgettable after tonight.

Alexandria Lushington – Eh…..the judges loved it, I thought it completely sucked. She did finally do what I was looking for all night and she finally moved around the stage and performed. She made Paula say “Dope!” WAHAHAHAHA! Excuse me while I blow milk chunks out of my nose.

Kady Malloy – I love, love, love this girl. She sang a familiar, popular song and belted it. And since she can do singing impersonations of Britney Spears I say we set her up with Britney’s producers and have her record for Britney since I am tired of waiting for an official Britney comeback. She does a better Britney Spears impersonation than Britney does.

Asia’h Eperson – I still can’t get over the fact that this poor girls father died and she’s still up on stage doing her thing. She’s fun! She can sing and perform at the same time which seems to be a curse on all the other girls.
Ramiele Malubay –The other girls before her with the exception of Asia’h don’t have anything on her! It kind of helps that she looks very exotic which is something we havn’t seen on American Idol in a while.

Syesha Mercado – She’s the entire package. Finally someone that grew a set and sang her lung’s out. Now that wasn’t too much to ask was it?

Carly Smithson – The song was boring. She could of picked a song that was so much better than her voice. She is an amazing singer! She was a professional singer when she was younger so she will have a one up on most of the other contestants.

Unfortunately I didn’t have too many bad things to say about the girls versus the guys from last night whom some put me to sleep with nightmares. I guess it’s just proof as to how low men are on the food chain.

Miss Kady Malloy must want people to vote for Asia’h Eperson because when it was time to give out her phone numbers to call and vote for her, she should have been holding up 8 fingers, not 9. Duuuuuuuuuh!

Paula Abdul once again was spreading her over-niceness around. She would make a better therapist than an AI judge. The day she gets to the point and just says “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it” I will crap in my pants.

I miss Josiah!

Jorge’s Picks for the Night

• Contestant I Would Vote For: Syesha Mercado
• Sexiest Performance: Kady Malloy
• Most Enjoyable Performance: Asia’h Eperson
• Worst Performance: Amy Davis